Hello dear followers,
It’s been a long time since you and I last spoke. That is, it’s been a long time since I’ve made myself sit down and write something.
I have a lot of excuses and reasons and apologies. But I’ll skip all that and confess something to all of you.
Take heart, the postgradlife can be good.
That feeling that you don’t know where you’re going, that you’re making the wrong choices, that you’re not working hard enough, that you’re not making enough money, that you’re not any wiser or more responsible or more experienced, or more put together, or healthier, or more in control, those feelings don’t go away.
Existential-crisis Wednesdays are still a thing.
You still waste endless hours on Facebook, comparing your life to others who seem more successful, happier, prettier, more put together, more in love, more #blessed.
And other people do the same, looking at your Facebook photos, reading your tumblr posts (if you update, that is), scrolling through your Instagram feed, rolling their eyes at your painstakingly composed tweets, listening to your overly bright stories as you catch up over brunch.
But suddenly, the weekend is an even more magical thing. Maybe you have the kind of job that lets you walk out of the office and leave work totally behind. Maybe you live next to a street teeming with breakfast cafes. Maybe you’re in a new city, with hidden secrets waiting for you to explore. Maybe you’re in your hometown, learning that your parents can be your best friends. Maybe your bffls live next door instead of oceans away. Maybe you’re more confident, or more financially stable, surrounded by people who love you, more self-sufficient, less functionally fixed, or not as anxious, sexier, able to wake up at a decent hour. Maybe you have a better wardrobe. Or maybe you are finally comfortable. Comfortable staying in. Comfortable in your job. Comfortable in your relationship. Comfortable going to a coffee shop and chatting with the barista instead of keeping your headphones in and avoiding eye contact.
Comfortable with the fact that maybe you’re not actually comfortable and don’t know that you’ll ever be. Comfortable with the knowledge that you’ll always want more, because, well, that’s not postgradlife, that’s life. But comfortable enough to smile at what you have now.
I’ve still got my smile, y’all!
Looking forward to posting more. Keep me on task, friends :)