In Malia’s last post (a good rant-read, by the way), she touched on the fact that sometimes going to bars and having guys buy drinks for you - a hard life, I know - is kind of stressful. That is, what are the expectations when a guy buys you a drink?
Are you married?
Do you have to exclusively talk to him the rest of the night?
Above is a lil infographic I drew up of what I’ve found to be proper bar etiquette.
A FEW MORE TIPS:
First off - Guys buy girls drinks at bars because they want to talk to them. Not because they want to watch that girl walk away and drink it with her giggling group of girlfriends.
Don’t think you can even stand to talk to a guy for a few minutes? Politely decline and let him buy someone else a drink. Don’t be a grab & go bitch.
Think a guy might be interesting but not a whole pint’s worth of interesting? Get a cocktail; you can drink it faster, and if by the bottom of the rocks glass he’s still boring, you don’t have to get another.
Feel the desperate need to get out of a dead conversation? “Going to the restroom” is the perfect out.
And on that note,
I better be able to find a great Pint Night in Richmond…
I have some serious complexes.
One of them involves tomato seeds, another, serious anxiety about doing anything alone. As an only child, this is a bit of an anomaly; but my parents always made sure I was surrounded by other children, so I didn’t really develop the whole independent only-child-self-entertaining-satisfied-loner part of my personality. Instead, I have to pick all the tomato seeds of my sandwiches and miss out on fun opportunities because I’m afraid to do them alone.
Over the past year, though, I’ve kind of gotten over it. I don’t know if it’s a confidence thing, or like, an age thing, or, hell, a postgrad thing. But when I visited Malia in NYC & she was at her internship last summer, I sat in her apartment, watched some Hulu and waited for her to come home. I was annoyed with myself for not exploring the city, and she was equally annoyed that I literally did nothing all day when there is so much to do all day within a 2 minute walk. This year though, I was actually able to get off my ass and explore the city by myself. Sure, I had to swallow some long-running anxiety about venturing out solo without a real plan or sense of direction. But I did it. And I felt grown up.
Above is a photo I took at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, which I visited (alone) right before I had to catch my flight back to SC.
It’s weird to have such a juxtaposition thrown in your face. It’s like the city was like, hey, remember how lame you were exactly a year ago? Change it.
It’s good to know that I am actually growing up, and that a year from now I’ll be even more awesome.
Just…hold the tomatoes.
This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.
Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.
Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”
Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.